CLEVELAND - Senator Ted Cuz of Texas announced on Wednesday night at the Republican National Convention that he would run for president in 2020, becoming the first candidate in American history to officially begin his campaign during a speech at his party's nominating convention.
“Today, I announce my run for president of the United States,” Mr. Cruz thundered. “It is a time for truth, it is a time for liberty, it is a time to shamelessly take advantage of this national platform.” Looking down at the stunned crowd, he added, "Hey, we all know he's going to lose."
As the heretofore silent crowd began to fidget nervously, Mr. Cruz quickly continued, "And Hillary for prison!"
At the sound of Clinton's name, the crowd quickly forgot the stunning proclamation and began to writhe and seethe as one until the entire audience rose up in a gelatinous mob and devoured the stage, ingesting Senator Cruz and a small mariachi band scheduled to perform during commercial breaks.
Donald J. Trump, watching from his pedestal at home, tweeted: